Friday, April 26, 2013

New Title- New Focus

So, it has been ages since I have even logged into this blog. Clearly the header picture is way outdated and as soon as I figure out how to change it...I WILL (hint, hint sis...I NEED help). I have decided to blog about my journey to lose the FAT ROLLS! After 2 kids and being happily married I have a body that is unrecognizable to me...something HAS to change! This isn't going to be easy for me to document, but maybe just by shear embarrassment I will find the strength to lose it all...

SO, let's get this party started.. My up and down battle with weight began as early as I can remember. I was always a skinny child, I would hear "you need to put some meat on your bones" over and over. About 4th grade, the bullying by the neighborhood kids started to take its toll and I found solace in food. I didn't go out to play as much, because when I did I was treated terrible by the kids and it wasn't much better at school. Bullying has been going on since the 80's friends...I would come home from elementary school crying from things kids said to me. I eventually put on too much weight for an elementary school kid. This resulted in even more tormenting. There were many, many times I was called "fatty" or worse yet, this particular boy in the class below me would MOO at me. That's right, he would MOO at me like I was a cow. It was devastating and nearly 20 yrs ago (Goodness I am old!) yet, I remember it plain as day. I can remember the day I RAN home from After School Activities because during 'hide and seek' he was "mooing" to try and find me. I left and ran home bawling. (side note, I ran into the jerk years later after high school and in a drunken stupor told him I hated him for it, he didn't even REMEMBER doing it...yet it scared me permanently). I always wanted to be a stellar athlete and I tried, GOD knows I tried. BUT, a friends MOM once made fun of how I ran. This particular comment stuck with me and TO. THIS. DAY. I am terrified of running in front of people. Between that mom and the kids that made fun of me at Basketball during middle school days, I ended up being too scared to every even try out for Sports teams in high school. The emotional damage had been done. I spent my high school days being "bigger" than most of my friends and that too took a toll on me. High School was NOT fun for me...there, I said it. I HATED high school. I went to a different smaller college, simply because I couldn't wait to get away from people who had made me feel like I was less than worthy.
  So, I get to college and I lose weight! I am not the typical college student that gained weight in college, I lost it! I was HAPPY. People didn't know me and I felt comfortable participating in activities. I was so active in college, I couldn't keep everything straight of where I needed to be daily! I was on the Danceline and in theatre. All things I would never try in HS because I knew everyone would just make fun of confidence was returning. My Sophomore year of college I met Mike. Mike played division 1 Football and was a big muscular dude...I gained some weight with him, but since he was athletic we worked out together and I was at a comfortable weight. Just before I met Mike, I weighed 150 ( I am 6ft tall)which was probably too skinny. He and I broke up after College and I moved to Georgia. Started gaining weight and kicked my butt at the gym to lose it. I eventually moved to Missouri in 2006 and I was in the best shape! Spent lots of hours at the gym and was comfortable with myself. I had GREAT friends and enjoyed my time. I maintained a steady weight of 167. I was very lean and in shape.
  In the Summer of 2008, I moved to Dallas for my job. I HATED my job. I had a very hard time making new friends (most the people I met were on a level of party I didn't want to be around, plates of drugs just sitting around). Insert my love for a good cold beer and chips and salsa and out of NO WHERE I weighed 186. I Met Kyle and we spent a lot of our dates going out to dinner! That boy knew how to feed me. I was HAPPY. I also was gaining weight. Then, I became pregnant with Lena. I gained close to 50 lbs...topping the scale at 228!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGEEEEEEEEEEEE! I had Lena and nursed her. Anyone who says the lbs fall off nursing, good for you. They sure don't for me! When Lena was 3 months old, I still weighed 206. I didn't want to be in pictures with my sweet baby because I hated how big I was...I knew I had to do something. I started Weight Watchers and the pounds fell off. I was back down to 185 and content. I stopped WW and it started creeping back on...need I mention again...Kyle LOVES to eat and I go right along with him. My lucky hubby doesn't gain weight like I do...JERK :) Before I knew it, I gained back all my WW lost weight. I started to lose it again and BAM...I am pregnant with Karson! This time I knew to be better about what I ate and didn't gain near as much. I am however a stress eater and since I HATED my job, I gained weight when I went back to work after having Karson. I KNEW I had to get in under control here I am today!
A few friends of mine have been posting their successes. After a lot of thought I am diving in too! I started an 8 day cleanse on the 20th of April. I am almost done with it and so far am down 7 POUNDS!!!! I want to get back into my clothes and get back into shape. I want to be that mom that runs around with her kids, takes them to the pool and isn't afraid of being in pictures with them! I know it is going to be a long journey, but it will be worth it! Oh, I guess I will share the numbers...(EEEK)no judging: I started my cleanse at a whopping 212 lbs. Today I am down to 205 lbs. I have still never been bigger than a Size 14, as being so tall I have lots of places to put it! More than anything, I want to feel sexy for my husband. He didn't marry a tub of lard. Our Anniversary is next week...3 years of wedded bliss and I want to feel good for him. I don't want to be that person that "lets herself go". I don't want to hold my breath every time he wraps his arms around me because I know he is feeling my fat rolls and probably grossing him out! So here I go...Let it be known, I have to force myself to workout. After I do workout, I feel great, it is just making myself do it that I struggle.. I am pledging to "un-roll" myself and regain some bombshell status! Who is with ME!?!?!?!?


  1. This is awesome!!!!! I am so proud of you and happy you said "yes" and committed to yourself to make yourself happy in order to be a better wife and mother. AMAZING! Excited to be on this journey with you :)

    1. Thank you! Its hard to publish the numbers. So glad you are in my corner!